I sit down to meditate, close my eyes, and try to breathe deeply. But my body has other plans.
My legs start moving. My knees bounce. My calves tighten. My feet tap the floor in a restless rhythm. My stomach is tense, blocking am full breath. I notice that energy is surging through me like electricity that needs somewhere to go.
I used to think this meant I was failing at meditation. That I wasn't disciplined enough, spiritual enough, or calm enough to simply sit still and breathe.
It can take five minutes of this leg shaking, shallow breathing, and internal buzzing before my body finally begins to settle. And five minutes can feel like forever when you're searching for calmness.
But this isn't failure. It's my body releasing.
My body is doing exactly what it needs to do. It's letting go of everything I've absorbed throughout the day. We take in so much energy from our thoughts and emotions. We also absorb energy from other people, and from our fast paced modern lives. As I sit there for those minutes letting myself settle it can seem like forever!
All this neverous energy is what it can look like when life pulls us away from our center. It's not just distraction or emotional overwhelm. It can become a nervous system so saturated with stimulation that our best attempts at self-care feel hard.
The Energy We Carry
We live in a world designed to overload us. There's the obvious pressure of deadlines, family stress, nonstop alerts and notifications. There's also the hidden momentum of our dopamine cycle. We are constantly chasing dopamine with the next new thing and we get ‘bumps’ from social media, multitasking, etc.
Our brains get caught in the loop. We are stuck seeking input while trying to avoid pain and find pleasure. Meanwhile, our bodies are quietly absorbing the stress of everyday life. Our tense shoulders, shallow breath, and racing thoughts tell the hidden tale.
Unfortunately, most of us don't have rituals for releasing that energy, so it builds. Next thing we know it has settled into our muscles, breath, and nervous system.
Why It Feels So Hard to Slow Down
We all this energy inside us we finally sit down to meditate or try some breathwork. As we sit there totally distracted we wonder why it's so hard to feel calm.
The truth is, we have to slow down before we can settle. When our nervous system is running this fast then stillness doesn't feel safe. It feels foreign.
But this isn't a failure of discipline. It's our bodies giving us a message.
My body is telling me exactly what it needs. It letting me that it needs to move a little before it can be still. It is showing me that I needs to discharge some energy before I can receive.
The Wisdom in the Restlessness
Our bodies know how to return to balance. When we slow down and create space for that wisdom then something shifts. We begin to soften to ourselves and to others. We find that we no longer have to control everything or get it right all the time. We can allow life to move through us instead of resisting it.
That's why the restlessness, the fidgeting, and the shaking are not something to suppress. They're part of the process. They are our nervous system moving out of protection and into presence.
Sometimes that takes five minutes or more. But every time we meet it with compassion we shorten the distance home.
This brings us to something important to understand about the whole process.
The Rhythm of Return
We're going to drift. Life pulls us off center and that's part of being human.
The practice isn't about staying perfectly grounded. It's about learning how to return. Again and again.
Some days, that return will take time. Some days, we'll need to walk, shake, or cry before stillness can come. All of that is part of the practice of coming home to ourselves.
A Body Awareness Practice
When you feel disconnected or overstimulated, try this gentle check-in. Start with the breath practice to help your nervous system settle before moving into awareness.
Settle with Your Breath
Breathe in slowly for a count of 4
Breathe out slowly for a count of 8, letting the exhale be twice as long as the inhale
Repeat this three times, letting each long exhale release some of the energy you've been carrying
Pause and Notice
Where do you feel energy or tension in your body?
What is your nervous system asking for right now?
Honor What You Find
If your body wants to move, let it
Don't force calm. Let it emerge naturally
Return with Compassion
Needing to discharge energy isn't a flaw
Follow your real needs, not your ideal ones
The Beginning of Coming Back
We are doing the deep work of reconnecting to ourselves. We are peeling back layers of judgment, performance, and fear. Wonderfully we are beginning to get a taste of the love that has been there all along just waiting underneath it all.
When we find that love then the work is about staying connected to it. This will allow us to stay rooted even when life pulls us away.
What's your experience with trying to sit still during meditation?
Do you find your body wants to move, shake, or fidget?
I'd love to hear what happens for you. Sometimes knowing we're not alone in this work, makes all the difference.
Keith Rowe is a breathworker, teacher, and founder of Vital Healing, a nonprofit that helps people reconnect to the wisdom of the body and heal through breathwork, shadow work, and somatic presence.
He is also co-creator of the Walking Pilgrim app, a 33-day journey of mindful walking, breath, and personal transformation. Learn more at walkingpilgrim.com.