The other day I was in a conversation and got triggered by something. Not in a big or obvious way. Nothing I said out loud.
But I could feel it in my body. A tightening. My attention narrowing for a moment, and my mind starting to spin a story around whatever had just landed.
As I began to notice it, I could feel that edge that starts to build when something hits a nerve.
I did my best to keep the conversation going, as I felt the tension in my chest, my breath getting shallow, and my mind struggling to stay present.
Thankfully I was able to not react and to just stayed with it.
I’m starting to see more clearly that its not just the reaction in my body, but how quickly my mind can start to build a story around it. That story is what pulls me away from what’s actually happening.
I’m noticing that it doesn’t happen all at once. There’s usually a point where something shifts. A word lands a certain way. A stern look catches you off guard, and suddenly it feels like it means something.
Almost immediately, meaning gets attached to it. What they meant. What it says about us. What we should say back. And it builds fast.
Before we even realize it, we’re not just feeling something in our body anymore. We’re inside the story forming around it.
And once we’re there, everything shifts.
It’s harder to actually hear what’s being said. We’re reacting to what we think is happening, not what’s actually happening. Fear or anger start to rise, and it all feels justified in the moment.
The more I see this in myself, the more I notice how often it plays out between people.
It starts in one person, but it doesn’t stay there.
Before long, it begins to move between both people. And now it’s not just one reaction. It’s two people reacting to each other through their own internal stories.
You can feel it in your body, the pull to react or shut down.
That’s what I mean by leaving ourselves.
Not disappearing completely, but losing the ability to stay present with what’s actually happening and to stay with ourselves in the middle of it.
When that happens, we’re not really able to support ourselves. We’re not grounded or open. Not responding from anything clear. Something else has taken over, and it’s driving us.
So the question isn’t just what we feel. It’s whether we can see that moment as it begins. Not once the story has taken over. Not once we’re already reacting. But right there as it starts to form.
Because even that small moment of seeing changes something.
It doesn’t make it go away, but it creates a little bit of space. And sometimes, that space is enough to stay with ourselves, find our breath, and not get pulled into the story our mind is spinning.
A Practice
I recorded a walking meditation to go along with this. It’s a simple way to notice what gets triggered in you and to stay with yourself as it happens instead of immediately reacting.
This is part of a short series I’m putting together around this idea.
Maybe this is where the work begins. Not in trying to fix what we feel, but in learning to recognize how it starts, and staying close enough to ourselves to see it happen.
You can listen here:
And you can explore the full series here:
https://vitalhealing.substack.com/s/walking-meditations