We spend so much of our lives looking outside ourselves for safety, for answers, for permission to be who we are.
I know I did.
For over thirty years, I trusted a pill more than my own breath. I believed other people's voices more than the quiet knowing that was trying to speak within me. I had learned to see my body as unreliable and my emotions as dangerous.
And then I wondered why I felt so lost.
The journey back to love isn't just about seeing others differently. It's about coming home to ourselves. It's about remembering that the same divine presence we recognize in all creation lives within us too.
But most of us have forgotten how to listen.
When We Learn to Stop Trusting Ourselves
I wasn't taught to trust my inner knowing. I was taught to be good, to follow the rules, to not cause trouble. My feelings were too much. My questions made people uncomfortable. My body seemed like something that needed to be managed, not listened to.
Like many of us, I learned early to look outside myself for peace.
When I was around sixteen, a psychiatrist prescribed Xanax to help with my anxiety. What started as medical treatment became a thirty-year dependency. That little pill became my anchor, the thing I relied on to keep the fear from swallowing me whole. I never imagined life without it.
Growing up in a culture where emotions were suppressed and survival was the goal, I learned to push forward and hold it together, no matter the cost. But the cost was high.
Underneath my public roles as a farmer, real estate investor, and provider, I was battling an invisible war. The anxiety wasn't just nervousness before big events. It was chronic, woven into the fabric of my daily life. I couldn't imagine getting through a day without that chemical support.
I had completely lost touch with my inner world. My body felt like an enemy. My emotions felt dangerous. My intuition felt unreliable.
I had forgotten the way home to myself.
Learning to Listen Again
In 2019, I began exploring breathwork, experiencing different approaches like Holotropic breathwork and the Wim Hof method. These practices helped me start processing trauma and grief, and they showed me something profound: breathwork was teaching me to find my own answers. For the first time in years, I was discovering that the wisdom I needed might actually live within me.
Each session was like remembering something I had forgotten. My body began to feel less like an enemy and more like a teacher. The breath became a bridge back to parts of myself I had lost touch with decades earlier.
In 2023, I attended a residential retreat with Jim Morningstar, where I encountered transformational breathwork and the practice of conscious connected breathing. Having already experienced breathwork's potential, I was ready to go deeper. In Jim's supportive community setting, combined with his teaching approach, I found the specific practice that would become my primary tool for transformation.
This led me to pursue conscious connected breathing more intentionally for healing around the Xanax dependency, anxiety, and releasing deeper layers of trauma.
Week by week, through conscious connected breathwork practice, I began to feel something I hadn't experienced in years.
Space.
Not just physical space, but emotional and spiritual space. A softening inside that allowed something to open. I learned to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. I began to feel my body again. And slowly, I started to feel safe without needing to numb myself.
The breath became my teacher. My nervous system became my guide.
My body, which I had seen as broken and unreliable, began to show me what I actually needed. It taught me the difference between fear that protects and fear that imprisons. It helped me recognize the wisdom in my discomfort and the intelligence in my reactions.
Within six months, something I thought was impossible happened: I no longer needed the Xanax. The dependency I believed would follow me to the grave simply dissolved. Not overnight. Not without work. But without force.
What took its place was a sense of peace I hadn't even known was possible. A clarity. A quiet confidence.
This wasn't just about getting off medication. It was about reclaiming my nervous system, my agency, and my life.
Trusting What We Already Know
Coming home to ourselves means remembering that we have an inner compass. That our bodies carry wisdom. That our intuition isn't weakness but strength.
The mystics understood this. Jesus lived from this place of deep inner knowing, connected to the Father within. He trusted what he felt called toward, even when it didn't make sense to others.
When we come home to ourselves, we stop seeking permission from the outside world to be who we are. We start recognizing that the same Spirit that guided Jesus is alive in us. We begin to trust that our longing for freedom, for authenticity, for love isn't selfish but sacred.
This doesn't mean we ignore wisdom from others or reject all guidance. It means we learn to feel into what resonates and what doesn't. We develop our capacity to discern. We remember that we have direct access to divine love and guidance.
We come home to the truth that we are beloved, whole, and wise.
With that freedom, I started choosing from desire instead of duty. I began speaking my truth. I even overcame a lifelong fear of flying. The man who once believed that fear and anxiety were permanent parts of who he was now walks through life with passion, connection, and joy.
I am no longer medicated. I am no longer afraid. I am finally free.
Simple Practices for Coming Home
Coming home to ourselves is both an instant recognition and a lifelong practice. Here are some gentle ways to begin:
Breath as Anchor Take a few moments each day to simply breathe consciously. Let your breath remind you that you have everything you need within you. Notice how your body knows exactly how to sustain you without your effort or control.
Body Wisdom Check-ins Throughout the day, pause and ask your body: "What do you need right now?" Listen without judgment. Notice what feels expansive and what feels contracted. Your body is constantly giving you information if you're willing to receive it.
Inner Voice Practice When facing decisions, take time to get quiet. Ask yourself: "What does love want here?" or "What would I choose if I trusted myself completely?" Notice the first response that comes, before your mind starts analyzing and second-guessing.
Deeper Breathwork Exploration If you're feeling called to explore conscious connected breathwork more deeply, Jim Morningstar offers transformational residential retreats every two years. The next one is coming up in August 2025. My experience at his retreat was the beginning of everything that followed—it might be exactly what your soul is calling for. You can learn more at: 2025 Residential Retreat.
Journaling Prompts
Take some time to explore these questions with gentleness and curiosity:
Where in my life am I still looking outside myself for validation or direction?
What would change if I truly believed that my inner knowing is trustworthy?
How has my body been trying to teach me or guide me?
What would I do differently if I felt completely safe being myself?
The Foundation for Everything Else
When we come home to ourselves, we're not being selfish. We're recognizing the divine love that lives within us. We're honoring the sacred presence that dwells in our very being.
This is the foundation for everything else. When we trust ourselves, we can trust love. When we feel safe in our own skin, we can extend that safety to others. When we know who we are, we can show up authentically in the world.
Coming home to ourselves is how we prepare to live with grace and maturity. It's how we step into the fullness of who we were created to be.
Keith Rowe is a breathworker, teacher, and founder of Vital Healing, a nonprofit where he helps people reconnect to the wisdom of the body and transform through breathwork, shadow work, somatic practice, and spiritual clarity.
He is also the co-creator of the upcoming Walking Pilgrim app, a 33-day journey of breath, presence, and personal transformation through mindful walking. Sign up at walkingpilgrim.com.