Behind the Madness: Just Trying to Survive
Seeing the world through the lens of shadow, survival, and grace
Something has been rising in me lately, a new way of seeing people, and maybe even the world. It started with something one of my teachers said:
“You can bet people believe they’re working in their own best interest.”
At first, I wanted to push back.
This? This chaos and dysfunction? Is this really what people believe is best?
But then I slowed down and sat with it. Not everything people do is best for them. Not by a long shot. But I think my teacher was pointing to something deeper. People act from what they believe they need to do to survive. Whether it is conscious or not, most of us are operating from patterns shaped by pain, fear, and conditioning.
And those patterns do not come from nowhere.
We are living in a world that keeps us on edge. We have been sold half-truths and outright lies by governments, corporations, religious leaders, charities, and media machines. We have been told what to buy, who to fear, how to vote, and what to believe. The pressure is constant. The manipulation is no longer subtle. In many cases, it is blatant and shameless. And the betrayal is so deeply embedded that we have started turning on each other instead of questioning the systems.
So no, I do not think most people are acting from some noble inner compass. I think we are reacting. I think we are afraid. And I think we have confused fear for discernment and outrage for purpose.
In that environment, it is easy to become hyper-defensive.
Easy to see others as enemies.
Easy to cling to identity, ideology, and certainty as if our lives depend on it.
Because in some ways, they do. At least, that is what our nervous systems believe.
When we have been lied to long enough, we start to cling to whatever makes us feel safe. Even if it is not true. Even if it is doing damage. There is trauma here. There is Stockholm syndrome. There is exhaustion. And there is the deep, universal desire to just feel okay in our own skin.
That is what led me to this deeper truth:
Even when the impact is harmful, the intent often began with a desire to feel safe, seen, or in control.
That shift from judgment to understanding opens a field of grace.
My Story: When Righteousness Was Just a Disguise for Fear
For me, this played out in my need for other people to believe what I believed, especially about God. I could not always see it at the time, but I carried a deep conviction that others had to conform to my view of the Divine. If they did not, it felt threatening. Unstable. Wrong.
Looking back, I see how much fear was underneath that.
It was not about faith. It was about control.
It was not about love. It was about survival.
I had been raised with the idea that there was one right way to believe, and that any deviation from it was dangerous. So I clung to certainty and tried to spread it like a shield. But really, I was scared. Scared of getting it wrong. Scared of being rejected. Scared of being left out of the saved group.
Over time, through breathwork, shadow work, and a lot of inner unwinding, I began to see the pattern. I could feel the younger part of me that just wanted safety. That wanted to know the rules so I could stay safe, stay good, and stay loved. And as I began to meet that part with compassion, my grip loosened.
I no longer need everyone to see things my way.
I can let people live their lives, even when I do not understand them.
Because I know now they are doing what they believe is best for them.
And sometimes that belief is shaped by pain, by propaganda, or by programming.
But it is still a kind of survival.
That realization opened something in me. It did not come from debate. It came from doing my own work. I sat with the younger parts of myself that were afraid of getting it wrong or being rejected. I began to notice the rigid patterns I had picked up, not because I was hard-hearted, but because I was trying to be safe. I had confused obedience with love, certainty with salvation, and control with belonging.
What Shadow Work Reveals
This is where shadow work becomes a doorway.
Shadow work helps us see what we could not see before. It brings into the light the unconscious beliefs, habits, and defenses that we adopted in order to survive. It reveals how pain distorts our perception. It shows how propaganda reinforces fear and how programming keeps us locked into cycles that no longer serve us.
But it does not stop at awareness. It offers a path to freedom.
Through shadow work, we begin to turn toward these hidden parts of ourselves, not with shame, but with curiosity and compassion. We unhook from old stories. We begin to soften, to listen, to breathe.
And the breath helps.
Each conscious breath creates space. It grounds us in the present moment. It gives us the courage to stay with what is uncomfortable and the strength to release what no longer belongs. Breathwork is one of the ways we access what lives beneath the surface. It helps us move from reaction to reflection. From fear to presence.
This is the beginning of awakening.
Not a single moment of clarity, but a steady return to what is true.
And like all awakenings, it must become a practice.
Reflection Practice: From Reaction to Curiosity
Try this the next time you feel overwhelmed by someone’s actions or by the state of the world.
Begin with a slow, conscious breath.
Feel your feet on the ground.
Let your body settle.
Then ask yourself:
What might this person be trying to protect?
What story are they living inside of?
What pain might be driving their reaction?
What am I protecting or defending against in my own body right now?
You do not have to know the answers.
The asking itself is an act of grace.
Somatic Invitation: Meeting Your Own Defenses
Sit quietly or take a slow, mindful walk.
Recall a moment recently when your defenses came up.
Feel where that energy lives in your body.
Breathe into that space without needing to change it.
Silently say:
“You were trying to protect me. Thank you. You do not have to run the show anymore.”
Let your breath stay with you.
Let it carry you back into your body.
Let it remind you that you are safe enough to be here now.
And This Is Where Grace Lives
This is not about simplifying the world. The world is not simple. It is layered, brutal, beautiful, and confusing.
But grace does not need things to be simple.
Grace just needs space.
It lives in the moment when we stop needing everything to be clean and correct, and choose instead to be curious, to be honest, and to be human.
The next time you feel the urge to judge or divide or withdraw, try this.
Pause.
Breathe.
Ask what might be underneath.
Not to excuse, but to see.
Because when we learn to see the survival beneath the reaction and the pain beneath the posture, then we begin to find our way back to love.
Author Bio
Keith Rowe is a breathworker, teacher, and founder of Vital Healing, a nonprofit organization where he helps people reconnect to the wisdom of the body and transform through breath, shadow work, somatic practice, and spiritual clarity.
He is also the co-creator of the upcoming Walking Pilgrim app, a 33-day journey of breath, presence, and personal transformation through mindful walking. Sign up at walkingpilgrim.com.